We are infinite

I don't know if I will have the time to write any more letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. 
So if this does end up being the last letter, I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school, and you helped me. 
Even if you didn't know what I was talking about or know someone who's gone through it, you made me not feel alone. 
Because I know there are people who say all these things don't happen. 
And there are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they turn 17. 
I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We'll all become somebody's mom or dad. 
But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening. 
I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. 
I can see it. 
This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. 
You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. 
And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. 
And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.

And now, you're gone

It was nice to meet you.
It was nice getting to know the person of my life
even though he couldn't be mine.

It was nice to be with you all day.
It was nice talking to you in the rainy days
when none of us wanted to go out.

It wasn't so nice see you crying because of her.
It wasn't nice holding you till you could make yourself up again.

It was nice kissing some time after that.
It was more than nice to see you smiling again.
And because of me.

It wasn't that nice to let you go.
It was terrible going to your place and find nobody there.
It was unsupportable burying you in my heart and in the soil at the same time.
In fact, it was impossible to me.

You're still here.
With me.
Every second.
Every hour.
Every single day.

Sometimes I can feel you next to me.
Still breathing.
For a moment.
And then the moment is gone and you too.

Say you forgive me

I'm not sorry for the times I tried to protect you even though it involved lying to you.
I'm not going to apologize for those times I said "I love you with all my heart".
And, of course, I'm not thinking about leaving you without an explanation.

But the truth is that I don't have a good one.
I ran out of excuses.

And, here I am.
Apologizing myself.
Thinking about leaving you.
Saying that I'm sorry.

I guess,
finally,
I realize there is no such a thing like an explanation for this.

I have to go.
And you can't follow me.

I hope one day you'll understand.
Likely.
Maybe.
Probably not.

At the end,
all you have to know about me is that
I loved you so much that I loved you more than I loved myself.

Who I want to be

I wanna be someone who is willing to forgive. 
I wanna be someone that cares more about others than themselves. 
I wanna be someone who can tell it like it is. 
I wanna be someone who would give up everything for the right reason. 
I wanna be someone who sees the best in everyone. 
I wanna be someone who is a true friend. 
I wanna be someone who always tries to be a better person, 
and someone who learns from their mistakes. 

I guess i just wanna be someone who encompasses all those things 
so I can finally be that girl who doesn’t need a boy to be happy 
because I know how to dance all on my own.

Thank you

I've been trying to write this letter for a while now, the kind you said you'd never received. The kind I've been working on my whole life. 

I remember being 13 years old, sitting in my room all night, listening to the same song over and over. I thought that if I could write something beautiful, something honest, I could make someone love me.

I've taken a lot for granted. 

I've never tried too hard; always avoided responsibility. I came here because I was running away, 'cause I wanted to be alone. Instead I met you and you weren't taking anything for granted. 

I hope you get all the moments you deserve. I hope you go back to NY and sit in the met in the room with the painting of the Hudson river, and I hope when you do, you take Lucy with you cause I know she'd love it. 

I'm sorry if I've made your life complicated. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but most of all that I never got the chance to tell you that, no matter what happens next, I'll never be anything but grateful for every moment I spent with you. 

And even though I keep fumbling for the right words, all I really wanted to say was "Thank you".

"The End"

You were there
laid on my chest
just watching the hours tick by
like if somehow we were meant to be.

I thought for a moment about us...
Breaking up.
Being always together.
About us not being us.

And...
Nothing.
That was everything I felt.
Nothing.

Suddenly the idea of us being appart was...
Ok.

How that happened?
I didn't see it coming.
Maybe it was long ago
when that moment that change everything happened
and we didn't even realize about it.

It's ok.
Everthing it's gonna be ok.

I guess.
Not.
I can't.
It's not.

No.
Of course it's not.
I thought you would be my "forever".
My happy ending.

And now.
You're...
Nothing.

I'm not ok.
You shouldn't be ok.
My heart is sick.
My mind is blind.
I don't wanna lose you.
But I don't love you anymore.

You dry my tears and wonder what is happening,
ignoring this is our "The End"